The 25 best stoner jokes - guaranteed to make you laugh!

Stoner jokes are just legendary! Whether it's super chill puns or totally spaced-out logic – this humor hits right in the green. So if you're looking for a good laugh, you're in the right place!

We've put together the 25 best stoner jokes for you. Perfect for partying with friends or just chilling out on your own. Have fun! 😄

1.

Stoner at the ATM.
Enters his PIN.
Stares at the screen.
After 30 seconds he thinks: “Wait… what was I doing here again?”

2.

Stoner in the supermarket:
“I'm just grabbing chips!”
Two hours later, he comes out with a shopping cart full of snacks.
No chips.

3.

Why do stoners always talk so slowly?
Because after every sentence, they have to think if they really said the last one.

4.

Stoner orders food.
An hour later, the doorbell rings.
Stoner: “Bro, I didn't order anything…”
Delivery guy: “Says here: Large pizza, extra cheese.”
Stoner: “Oh my god, past me is a genius!”

5.

Why are stoners so good at relaxing?
Because they forget their problems before they even have to solve them.

6.

Stoner watching a movie.
After 10 minutes: “Whoa, awesome movie… But what's it about?”
Starts it again.
After 10 minutes: “Whoa, awesome movie… But what's it about?”

7.

Why are stoners so bad at keeping secrets?
Because they forget them before they can tell anyone.

8.

Stoner sends a voice message:
“Bro, I just wanted to say that… um… wait… uh… crap, what was I gonna say?”

9.

Why do stoners text so slowly?
Because after every word, they wonder if it was the right one.

10.

Stoner looks at his phone: 6:00 pm
“Okay, just five more minutes of TikTok.”
Looks again: 11:47 pm
“Damn.”

11.

Why can't stoners multitask?
Because while eating, they forget they're also watching a movie.

12.

Stoner calls his buddy:
“Bro, I'm too high, I can't get up.”
Buddy: “Dude, you're standing right in front of the mirror.”
Stoner: “Wait… WHAAAT?!”

13.

Why are stoners bad burglars?
Because after five minutes, they forget what they wanted to steal and end up looking for food in the fridge instead.

14.

Stoner wants to take a shower.
Turns on the water.
Gets undressed.
Checks his phone for a second.
Three hours later: Still naked on the bed, bathwater long cold.

15.

Stoner looks at his fridge.
Closes the door.
Opens it again five seconds later.
Maybe something changed.

16.

Why are stoners bad drivers?
Because they stand in the middle of the street wondering, “Am I actually driving or just standing here?”

17.

Stoner tries to remember a really good thought.
Thinks really hard.
Only remembers that it was a really good thought.

18.

Why are stoners online on WhatsApp for so long?
Because they spend 30 minutes wondering if “Haha” is enough of a reply.

19.

Stoner sits on the couch, wants to watch something on TV.
Can’t find the remote.
After 30 minutes of desperate searching, he gives up.
Sits there all sad.
Then sees the remote’s been in his hand the whole time.

20.

Why do stoners always forget what they wanted to say?
Because their thoughts arrive slower than their mouth does.

21.

Stoner goes into the bathroom.
Stares into space.
After five minutes, wonders: “Why am I here?”

22.

Why do stoners never write down their ideas?
Because they’re about to, but then forget they wanted to do it.

23.

Stoner calls the pizza place.
“Hey, I’d like a pizza.”
Employee: “What do you want on it?”
Five minutes of silence.
Stoner: “Bro, I’m overwhelmed.”

24.

Stoner tries to plug his charging cable into his phone.
After ten seconds he realizes:
He’s holding the cable in one hand and the phone in the other – and trying to charge his lighter.

25.

Stoner checks his messages.
Scrolls up.
Scrolls down.
After five minutes, puts the phone away… without replying to a single message.

Doesn’t matter if you smoke yourself or just love some chill humor – stoner jokes make everyone laugh. So share the best ones with your friends and spread some good vibes. Got another awesome joke? Drop it in the comments! 😎🔥